Monday, March 31, 2008
Wait, I forgot to mention more alchohol!
I started drinking light with a sparkling Riunite Lambrusco. I even chilled the shit, made it taste like grape juice. The more I drink, though, the more I want something hard. Now I drink Wild Turkey 101 straight, no ice. It is DELICIOUS. But for those of you looking for something a little smoother, try any brand of Remy Martin. You won't regret it. The cognac is almost sweet but perfect for those of us that don't mind high calorie low carb/low sugar beverages.
Living on the highway
I have a couple of minutes before the large amount of brandy drops me off in bed, so here goes :D
I'm living on the highway these days. I lived with my identical twin for most of my life and have lived well. But recently it has become clear to me our values are so different I can not be close to him. I disagree with his lifestyle in many ways. If we could agree to disagree, perhaps I would still live there, but for my mental and emotional health (as well as him effectively kicking me out anyway, but w/e) I decided to leave anyway.
Details on the events leading to my wandering lifestyle to follow.
Meanwhile, the fiancee and I decided we will move to Georgia. The school in Athens offered her a ton of money (well, more than I make a year, wtf but not hard). In a couple of days I'll break the news to my boss that I need a transfer. Not hard. There are many, many other locations for the company I work for in the Athens area.
This week is homework week. A friend and I sat down and mapped out a 5year plan for me, including a contingency plan should everything fall to pieces. Despite many years of college, I have no degree whatsoever. My homework involves several steps to ensure I get that degree in the next 5/6 years. Also, I plan to be a store manager in 5 years. Got to do this homework. !@($&@ I hate homework :)
Brandy is pulling me down. So let me sign off.
I'm living on the highway these days. I lived with my identical twin for most of my life and have lived well. But recently it has become clear to me our values are so different I can not be close to him. I disagree with his lifestyle in many ways. If we could agree to disagree, perhaps I would still live there, but for my mental and emotional health (as well as him effectively kicking me out anyway, but w/e) I decided to leave anyway.
Details on the events leading to my wandering lifestyle to follow.
Meanwhile, the fiancee and I decided we will move to Georgia. The school in Athens offered her a ton of money (well, more than I make a year, wtf but not hard). In a couple of days I'll break the news to my boss that I need a transfer. Not hard. There are many, many other locations for the company I work for in the Athens area.
This week is homework week. A friend and I sat down and mapped out a 5year plan for me, including a contingency plan should everything fall to pieces. Despite many years of college, I have no degree whatsoever. My homework involves several steps to ensure I get that degree in the next 5/6 years. Also, I plan to be a store manager in 5 years. Got to do this homework. !@($&@ I hate homework :)
Brandy is pulling me down. So let me sign off.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tunica, Casinos, and turning down $$$ for sex
Our trip to the casinos was a resounding success. We lost money in the ways we expected, and won money in ways we never did.
We left early so as to catch the lunch buffet at the Horseshoe. Doyle Brunson claims it is the best buffet he has eaten at. Indeed, it was delicious. The Horseshoe divides the buffet into different sections for each major food group: Italian, Asian, and American. I'm sure I've forgotten one, but I don't eat bread anymore.
Next we checked into our hotel at the Grand. Gamemaster booked the suite at the Veranda, the upscale side of the hotel. We hoped to keep out the rifraff. Instead, we let in women desperate for sex, and enough money to make sure they at least caught our eye.
More on this later.
I caught a nap at the Grand while Gamemaster took the shuttle to the casino. In a crowded casino, he found a $20 bill in front of the ATM. He snapped his fingers 'cause that $20 put a smile on his face. Lady Luck had smiled at him, and like the pimp he is, he took her hand and led her to the slot machines.
Where he dumped $140.
"You owe me some money," he said when he picked me up. "Your nap cost me $140."
We jetted over to the casino. Slots freak me out. Gamemaster bugged me to play, even offered me a $20 bill, but I couldn't fathom the thrill of pushing a button and HOPING the machine returned enough of my investment to keep me pushing that button for more hours to come. Skill game, obviously. WHO THE HELL PLAYS THESE THINGS?!?!?!
Then I found Catch a Wave, an interactive, dynamic slot machine that puts any Nintendo Wii game to shame. It's shiny lights and catchy Beach Boys theme song compelled me to put a $20 bill into this penny slot of goodness.
The game, like all slots, is setup on a random prize generator. I am not sure what win percentage this casino ran on. Most run at least 94%, some as high as 99% (higher on slower days to generate more action). You never know HOW MUCH you will win, just that you will win something. For example, I may wager 30 cents expecting to win 94% of the time, but I may only win 10 cents ROI. Different combinations add up to different win ratios, and the game allows you to select up to 20 different lines across the images to increase your chances of hitting a winning combination.
Jackpot! Within the first three spins I'm up $2!
Spin, spin, spin, spin. Lose. Repeat. Repeat.
Then I hit 3 waves across the same line. The game is on and the Beach Boys announce it, singing, "Yeah gonna catch a wave and we're sittin' on top of the world" in their dynamic harmony.
I should feel excited. Except this game isn't the interactive experience it promised. I don't get to surf. Instead, it runs through several spins on its own, awards me money no matter the combination, and somehow I end up with less money than I started.
WTF?!
Good thing we came for a poker tournament instead. On we go to the skill game, obviously.
And a good thing we are headed for this, because in the meantime Gamemaster has pissed away over another $200.
I am no longer nervous about live tournaments. I have played online often, so the cards nor the players intimidate me.
Gamemaster, however, is a playmoney proand has never played live. "Dances With Blogs, there is no way I can play without a drink."
"Well, a drink or two won't affect your play if you aren't that good in the first place." It's important to keep his confidence up.
After a moment, I join him at the bar, where he is guzzling Wild Turkey and Diet Coke.
Built in to each seat at the bar is a video poker machine. I heard John Juanda once won over $10K just because he played the numbers on one of these machines, so I catch a glance. It has 395 credits in play.
"You playing?" I ask Gamemaster.
No, he is not. He plays one hand to make sure those credits are indeed in play and not a view of the previous players payout.
Those credits were real, baby! A quick look to the left, a quick to the right. No one was looking... CASH OUT!
Those credits equaled $100.
At first I insisted on a piece of that $100, but Gamemaster paid for the chique room we would stay in that night, so I could hardly deny him any compensation that ticket would offer.
At last, the tournament was upon us. Like the rest of the night, it started well, then plummetted. Everyone starts with 3500 in chips/70xBB, with levels doubling every 20 minutes (the best low buyin structure for a tournament I have yet to find live).
The first hand, I am drawn for the button seat. One limper ahead of me, an old, quiet dude. I raise on the button with KJos. The blinds fold. The limper calls. (WTF is up with all the limp/callers that then play so weak-tight post flop?! I see this everywhere! IT IS BURNING MONEY!!!!!) Flop is Q-10-7, rainbow. Old dude checks to me, I c-bet, and he folds.
That is the only hand I held much ground on.
I did not play as aggressively as I should have. A couple of limpers ahead of me, on the button I see Q9os. I neglected to raise these fools that often limp/fold or limp/call and then check/fold without flopping a monster. Turns out I would have flopped quads on a QQQ flop and seen lots of action from the BB thinking his unpaired AK must be the best hand.
The blinds continued to rise, my stack continued to diminish, and soon I had no play but to push or fold. Several limpers to me in the BB, antes involved, I push for 6xBB with J10os. Everyone folds. Later, the blinds double again, so my stack relatively the same, I push UTG with KJos. UTG+1 mutters, groans, hems, haws, shows me he is folding AQos. WTF?!?! No worries, I am happy, everyone else folds.
Clearly, I repeat I am not playing as aggressively as I should. If these players are that weak-tight, I should do like my buddy Sydekix does. Run over the table until the players decide otherwise. Then make sure you have a hand.
With my stack so short, I do not see a spot afterwards. There are plenty of allins and opening raises the size of my stack, and I would have to call with 10-6os or 3-4os. I would much rather push with this than call, but whatever, I am sick that way.
My final hand: I push allin with 1.5xBB. I have no idea what my hand is. The player after me calls. Then 3 others call! ZOMG please let me have Aces!!!!
Flop is J-10-5. Player after me bets out, other 3 players fold.
Time to flip over our cards. I have J-3 suited. He has K-Qos. Looks like a flip.
Turn is a 6.
River is a Q and I am out.
Gamemaster spends the next hour in the game, trying to outplay this dude that is playing any 2 and disarming Gamemaster with unrelenting aggression. Gamemaster is doing the dreaded limp/call, hoping to trap this guy by flopping a concealed big hand.
Gamemaster calls me over and asks me to refill his drink. Apparently, I am so pretty he thinks I am his cocktail waitress.
After getting him a drink, I realize I want one myself. I stay sober if I am going to play poker. But with my part in the game over, the DRINK IS ON. I make several trips back and forth to the bar for Wild Turkey STRAIGHT! The bartender gives me an eye but obliges. I make several more trips. The drinks are free, but they are thin and shallow. That is how I justify chugging one after another.
I stand by Gamemasters table. You aren't allowed to just loiter in the card room, but my dad taught me: look like you belong and no one will doubt you. The directors let me stand around and sip on my bourbon.
I return from my final visit to the bar to see Gamemaster has picked his spot to stand up to the table bully.
Gamemaster limps with A3s in late position. Table bully raises from the big blind with 3.5x Gamemasters stack. Gamemaster calls. Flop is 255. Bully leads out. Gamemaster shoves allin for a pot-sized bet. Bully calls with 44 and Gamemaster is drawing dead to all but running aces, threes, or fives. Turn is a 3. River is an ace. For a minute, he thinks he has won, but the river makes the bully a straight.
Well, we're both out, our drinks are empty, and the slots have left us emptyhanded. We exchange a glance and realize there is only one thing left to do.
Retire to the bar at our hotel.
Remember when I promised you I'd get offered $$$ to fulfill a woman's desires?
Well, at the bar, I am descending into a steady, drunken haze and it feels gooooooood.
A group of rich business tycoons sit at the tables behind us. I chat with many of them. One of them, a woman in her late fifties, starts to pay particular attention to me. Suddenly, I realize I am not just having a conversation. She is hitting on me. With her husband at the table behind us. If he minds, I think that is part of her plan.
She leaves us for a second. My buddy Gamemaster shakes his head. He knows my brother and I love to game, though for different goals. I tell Gamemaster he is silly! I am not gaming for me. I am WINGING for him!
"Yeah," he says. "Because she's even looked at me the whole time."
When she returns, I notice a crisp $20 bill in her hand. She leans in.
"Listen," she says. "My friends keep telling me you're out of my league. They think I've lost it! So, I'll tell you what, I'll give you $20 to walk down the hallway with me. Then I'll slip it to you. No one will know what happened. Or didn't happen..."
It was at that moment I realized I had 2 choices.
1) Gracefully decline.
2) Ask for $100 and offer to show'em she has me hooked!
We left early so as to catch the lunch buffet at the Horseshoe. Doyle Brunson claims it is the best buffet he has eaten at. Indeed, it was delicious. The Horseshoe divides the buffet into different sections for each major food group: Italian, Asian, and American. I'm sure I've forgotten one, but I don't eat bread anymore.
Next we checked into our hotel at the Grand. Gamemaster booked the suite at the Veranda, the upscale side of the hotel. We hoped to keep out the rifraff. Instead, we let in women desperate for sex, and enough money to make sure they at least caught our eye.
I caught a nap at the Grand while Gamemaster took the shuttle to the casino. In a crowded casino, he found a $20 bill in front of the ATM. He snapped his fingers 'cause that $20 put a smile on his face. Lady Luck had smiled at him, and like the pimp he is, he took her hand and led her to the slot machines.
Where he dumped $140.
"You owe me some money," he said when he picked me up. "Your nap cost me $140."
We jetted over to the casino. Slots freak me out. Gamemaster bugged me to play, even offered me a $20 bill, but I couldn't fathom the thrill of pushing a button and HOPING the machine returned enough of my investment to keep me pushing that button for more hours to come. Skill game, obviously. WHO THE HELL PLAYS THESE THINGS?!?!?!
Then I found Catch a Wave, an interactive, dynamic slot machine that puts any Nintendo Wii game to shame. It's shiny lights and catchy Beach Boys theme song compelled me to put a $20 bill into this penny slot of goodness.
The game, like all slots, is setup on a random prize generator. I am not sure what win percentage this casino ran on. Most run at least 94%, some as high as 99% (higher on slower days to generate more action). You never know HOW MUCH you will win, just that you will win something. For example, I may wager 30 cents expecting to win 94% of the time, but I may only win 10 cents ROI. Different combinations add up to different win ratios, and the game allows you to select up to 20 different lines across the images to increase your chances of hitting a winning combination.
Jackpot! Within the first three spins I'm up $2!
Spin, spin, spin, spin. Lose. Repeat. Repeat.
Then I hit 3 waves across the same line. The game is on and the Beach Boys announce it, singing, "Yeah gonna catch a wave and we're sittin' on top of the world" in their dynamic harmony.
I should feel excited. Except this game isn't the interactive experience it promised. I don't get to surf. Instead, it runs through several spins on its own, awards me money no matter the combination, and somehow I end up with less money than I started.
WTF?!
Good thing we came for a poker tournament instead. On we go to the skill game, obviously.
And a good thing we are headed for this, because in the meantime Gamemaster has pissed away over another $200.
I am no longer nervous about live tournaments. I have played online often, so the cards nor the players intimidate me.
Gamemaster, however, is a playmoney proand has never played live. "Dances With Blogs, there is no way I can play without a drink."
"Well, a drink or two won't affect your play if you aren't that good in the first place." It's important to keep his confidence up.
After a moment, I join him at the bar, where he is guzzling Wild Turkey and Diet Coke.
Built in to each seat at the bar is a video poker machine. I heard John Juanda once won over $10K just because he played the numbers on one of these machines, so I catch a glance. It has 395 credits in play.
"You playing?" I ask Gamemaster.
No, he is not. He plays one hand to make sure those credits are indeed in play and not a view of the previous players payout.
Those credits were real, baby! A quick look to the left, a quick to the right. No one was looking... CASH OUT!
Those credits equaled $100.
At first I insisted on a piece of that $100, but Gamemaster paid for the chique room we would stay in that night, so I could hardly deny him any compensation that ticket would offer.
At last, the tournament was upon us. Like the rest of the night, it started well, then plummetted. Everyone starts with 3500 in chips/70xBB, with levels doubling every 20 minutes (the best low buyin structure for a tournament I have yet to find live).
The first hand, I am drawn for the button seat. One limper ahead of me, an old, quiet dude. I raise on the button with KJos. The blinds fold. The limper calls. (WTF is up with all the limp/callers that then play so weak-tight post flop?! I see this everywhere! IT IS BURNING MONEY!!!!!) Flop is Q-10-7, rainbow. Old dude checks to me, I c-bet, and he folds.
That is the only hand I held much ground on.
I did not play as aggressively as I should have. A couple of limpers ahead of me, on the button I see Q9os. I neglected to raise these fools that often limp/fold or limp/call and then check/fold without flopping a monster. Turns out I would have flopped quads on a QQQ flop and seen lots of action from the BB thinking his unpaired AK must be the best hand.
The blinds continued to rise, my stack continued to diminish, and soon I had no play but to push or fold. Several limpers to me in the BB, antes involved, I push for 6xBB with J10os. Everyone folds. Later, the blinds double again, so my stack relatively the same, I push UTG with KJos. UTG+1 mutters, groans, hems, haws, shows me he is folding AQos. WTF?!?! No worries, I am happy, everyone else folds.
Clearly, I repeat I am not playing as aggressively as I should. If these players are that weak-tight, I should do like my buddy Sydekix does. Run over the table until the players decide otherwise. Then make sure you have a hand.
With my stack so short, I do not see a spot afterwards. There are plenty of allins and opening raises the size of my stack, and I would have to call with 10-6os or 3-4os. I would much rather push with this than call, but whatever, I am sick that way.
My final hand: I push allin with 1.5xBB. I have no idea what my hand is. The player after me calls. Then 3 others call! ZOMG please let me have Aces!!!!
Flop is J-10-5. Player after me bets out, other 3 players fold.
Time to flip over our cards. I have J-3 suited. He has K-Qos. Looks like a flip.
Turn is a 6.
River is a Q and I am out.
Gamemaster spends the next hour in the game, trying to outplay this dude that is playing any 2 and disarming Gamemaster with unrelenting aggression. Gamemaster is doing the dreaded limp/call, hoping to trap this guy by flopping a concealed big hand.
Gamemaster calls me over and asks me to refill his drink. Apparently, I am so pretty he thinks I am his cocktail waitress.
After getting him a drink, I realize I want one myself. I stay sober if I am going to play poker. But with my part in the game over, the DRINK IS ON. I make several trips back and forth to the bar for Wild Turkey STRAIGHT! The bartender gives me an eye but obliges. I make several more trips. The drinks are free, but they are thin and shallow. That is how I justify chugging one after another.
I stand by Gamemasters table. You aren't allowed to just loiter in the card room, but my dad taught me: look like you belong and no one will doubt you. The directors let me stand around and sip on my bourbon.
I return from my final visit to the bar to see Gamemaster has picked his spot to stand up to the table bully.
Gamemaster limps with A3s in late position. Table bully raises from the big blind with 3.5x Gamemasters stack. Gamemaster calls. Flop is 255. Bully leads out. Gamemaster shoves allin for a pot-sized bet. Bully calls with 44 and Gamemaster is drawing dead to all but running aces, threes, or fives. Turn is a 3. River is an ace. For a minute, he thinks he has won, but the river makes the bully a straight.
Well, we're both out, our drinks are empty, and the slots have left us emptyhanded. We exchange a glance and realize there is only one thing left to do.
Retire to the bar at our hotel.
Remember when I promised you I'd get offered $$$ to fulfill a woman's desires?
Well, at the bar, I am descending into a steady, drunken haze and it feels gooooooood.
A group of rich business tycoons sit at the tables behind us. I chat with many of them. One of them, a woman in her late fifties, starts to pay particular attention to me. Suddenly, I realize I am not just having a conversation. She is hitting on me. With her husband at the table behind us. If he minds, I think that is part of her plan.
She leaves us for a second. My buddy Gamemaster shakes his head. He knows my brother and I love to game, though for different goals. I tell Gamemaster he is silly! I am not gaming for me. I am WINGING for him!
"Yeah," he says. "Because she's even looked at me the whole time."
When she returns, I notice a crisp $20 bill in her hand. She leans in.
"Listen," she says. "My friends keep telling me you're out of my league. They think I've lost it! So, I'll tell you what, I'll give you $20 to walk down the hallway with me. Then I'll slip it to you. No one will know what happened. Or didn't happen..."
It was at that moment I realized I had 2 choices.
1) Gracefully decline.
2) Ask for $100 and offer to show'em she has me hooked!
My first step onto the blogging frontier
I've heard of this place.
I've dreamed of it.
Due to a recent action on my part, I've been granted whatever post I desire.
Now that I'm here, I have to ask: who knew there was so much Jello on the frontier?
I've dreamed of it.
Due to a recent action on my part, I've been granted whatever post I desire.
Now that I'm here, I have to ask: who knew there was so much Jello on the frontier?
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